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I’ve spent a ton of time hanging out with new friends this last month. I’ve spent a lot of time with two people in particular.

They are both very amazing people, and I really enjoy spending time with them, but…

I’ve started to feel as if I am not as good as them.

Not as a person, but less skilled. Not as interesting. Undesirable. Unattractive. Stuff like that.

It stupid, really. But I can’t shake the feeling.

It doesn’t help much that she is pretty, and fit, and she is very much aware of this. And she is very good at focusing on the stuff she makes, so she gets things done fast. Oh, and her Facebook page has more than 2000 likes…
Mine has just above 150….

He on the other hand is not really fit, but he still manages to look good. And he is a guy, so he can get away with not looking good all of the time. And he just has a lot of skill in his costuming. And then he just has this easy-going aura that makes him super loveable, and therefore liked.

Then there’s me. I’m moderately pretty, but not fit. I’m unfocused when I’m working, and I try to finish things way faster than I should in an attempt to not lack behind others. Which means that a lot of the things I’ve made lately is not my usual standard.
Oh, and then I’m shy as fuck. I have a hard time talking to new people, and I don’t think people really want to talk to me because of that. I do have skills, but in get so self conscious when I’m around other people, that everything I make just is not as good as it is when I just make it myself.

Urgh. I just don’t know what to do about it.

I also almost ended up in an argument with the girl because of some pictures, and Facebook being a bitch and stuff. All because I was sad that she had posted some photos on Facebook, that I had also posted(I’d taken the photos). And instead of just sharing the photos that I’d posted, she had re-uploaded them. Which means I didn’t get any credit.

It’s all so stupid, but I really feel like crap about it.

I’m considering dropping out of school. It stresses me like crazy. And make my anxieties go crazy.

I can’t draw anymore and it can’t concentrate on reading. The stress is just eating away at me. Urgh.

I wish I could get a job where I only had to be there from 10 to 15, 2 days a week. That’s about all I can do now a days.


get to know me meme - 2/5 favourite actresses ➔ Natalie Dormer

Men still have trouble recognizing that a woman can be complex, can have ambition, good looks, sexuality, erudition, and common sense. a woman can have all those facets, and yet men, in literature and in drama, seem to need to simplify women, to polarize us as either the whore or the angel. That sensibility is prevalent, even to this day

I had my worst panic attack, as of yet, today.
I kept crying and shaking. All because my mum kept pushing me on my math homework and money.

I just feel like I need to move out as soon as possible. I don’t like being at home anymore, and spend as little time as possible there.

The problem is money, and that I can in no way afford my own place right now. And not for another 1 and 1/2 years.

I feel like utter crap right now. Urgh.

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